The Best Thing

Growing up one comes across
many who have accomplished quite a lot.
The feeling emerges that one must
try to emulate them in nature and deed.

But as one grows, only one conclusion
does come out naturally.
That the best thing is not to be like some great man,
but the best, one possibly can be.

The lady with the candle

The desolate wildnerness
of life stretching out for miles
Where I wandered completely lost,
defeated by Fate's guiles

Fierce winds chilled me to the bones
Blowing away even my inner warmth
On such cold lonely wintry nights
A candle in hand, she brought light

That shaky flame of the candle
which lit up her face serene
A cozy warmth then seeped inside
and thawed my frozen within

Not a penny did this beggar have,
No water to quench my own thirst
Yet enriched with affection for her
My heart overflowing with love burst

The more experienced one becomes, the more difficult it becomes not to be decisive.

Eventually Hades

Every rose shall wither
Every fallen leaf fades

Everything that grows
Eventually goes to Hades

Sour grapes

Some grapes remain sour
Some foxes remain foxed

Till they ask themselves a basic question
- Do they really want the grapes so much?

Let it go

"Whatever happens is for the good", they say
But you object to simply believe.
It may perhaps be wrong, but I say
what other option does that leave?

Vainly I used to think
That the future lay in my hands
Till one day I opened my fist
and out spilled past sands

Another blow and I assumed
that I shall pierce the hard stuff
So on I persisted cutting the tree
When my axe wasn't sharp enough

So one day I opened that hand
One day examined my axe edge
I realized I was holding onto things
That I should have left long behind
Still cutting the same tree without luck
When trees abounded that forest kind.

When we never let go off the past
How can we lay claim to the future?
How can we deserve success
When we choose to persist with failures.

The path to victory may sometimes
inexplicably start by acknowledging defeat -
By leaving a vain pursuit
Realizing the truth about oneself
What one can do, and what one cannot

To look towards the future
One has to make peace with the present.

Instead of always looking for what you expect
Let the unexpected have a look at you
For believe me, the quirks of Fate
shall benefit you, only if you allow them to.

Some things about myself

Just some thoughts about myself - felt like writing like this after like a dozen years! So I felt its worthwhile posting this.

I prefer being straightforward, open-hearted, frank and liberal. I don't like to play games. I always give people enough chances. I am forgiving and very understanding initially. I believe in being polite, formal and decent.

It takes me a while to understand that a game is being played.
It takes me a while to understand the rules of the game.
But once I realize that and learn the rules, I am difficult to beat.
I am intuitive....I can realize things that one cannot imagine could be realized...and I surmise pretty close to whats actual.
I adapt well, I am quick to grasp once I know what needs to be grasped.
I am agile, ruthless in my pursuit of winning, of scoring a point, of proving a point.
And those who are experienced, who think they are experts are left confounded...they could never think that someone whom they had written off, someone whom they had left far behind has overtaken them and taught them a lesson. My biggest joy is in proving such people wrong.

I go out of my way to be polite, accommodating and compromising to those who treat me likewise.
I go out of my way to be difficult, manipulative, indirect, and confusing to those who treat me likewise.

I will behave with you the way you will behave with me...but first I will always give you a chance. I trust people before I start distrusting them. I will trust you implicitly till you break my trust irrevocably.

Unknown yet known

Neither I know you, nor you know of me,
Yet why do I get this feeling
That we are made for each other

Silence everywhere, silence on our lips
Yet the silence itself speaks out a story
As our eyes reveal the mute yearning of hearts

For the sake of love, leaving everything behind
let's join the age-old pantheon of lovers
Lost in each other,
let's now tread this unknown path of love

Translation of "Na tum hamein jaano, na hum tumhe jaane" from the Hindi movie "Baat ek raat ki" (1962)

Void

Once in a while, someone comes in my life,
who makes me feel that I am missing something big.
I feel that there is a gaping hole
And yet that person is unable to fill that void.

Sometimes I wonder if not the problem is with me?
Perhaps I am so thoroughly self-absorbed that
that it's difficult for me to love and be loved.

Intimate twilights

Those quaint intimate twilights of yore
have not faded away in the mist of time
She is as close to me as she ever was

Those hidden thoughts within downcast eyes
A charm carried even in suppressed smiles
I used to wonder if my thoughts occupied her
And if they did, did they bring her any cheer

But now I know of bubbling mirth
beneath those suppressed smiles
I know of that latent passion
behind those downcast eyes

Oh! sure I am that she thinks only of me
And sooner than later, she will be mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQMii7u9fXw&feature=related

My hats off to Gulzar...In hundred births, I cant equal his profound imagination, his subtlety of expression!

Have you found what you were looking for?

How do you know that you have found,
what you were looking for?
If on finding that,
you simply forget what you were looking for.

If on finding that you get so immersed in it,
with all heart and spirit,
That what troubled you for days on end,
fades away in a mere moment.

It shows that what you were looking for,
and what you found are but one and the same.

Found at last!

Three days back I heard a Kannada song being played at a restaurent. I remembered having heard and even perhaps seen it before. And on that day something about its tune striked a chord somewhere with my mood and it caught my fancy. I asked the guy at the reception counter which song it was. He gazed at me surprised and said its some old Kannada song. I asked him for the lyrics, but he could not tell me (such poor service :P)

I went out humming the tune to myself...what reverberated in my mind was the way the female voice went on a high vocal note (with no words)...it has such a haunting quality to it.

For past 3 days I searched all over Youtube and Google for this song, but I was handicapped - I did not know the lyrics, the film name or actors, the music director, lyricist - nothing at all and moreover I am totally unfamiliar with Kannada film music. I just remembered catching some word like "inchu" and "endu" (which was something I was proved right when I found it later - but these words are not part of the song title). Then how did I search you would ask - well I tried with the above two words but got nowhere. Then I tried "Kannada best songs", "Kannada old melodies" etc etc. And then song-hopping from one to another in Youtube, anything that caught my suspicion. Along the way I came across some other good songs, but was unable to appreciate their beauty as all my senses were captured by this first love and as my friends know, when I get obsessed, I truly get obsessed (and though they may not know or agree with, in case they know, I do have lasting obsessions and once something catches my fancy, it never quite leaves it, though with passage of time, it may fade a little)

Somewhere in the back of my mind I had some idea that there is waterfall or something naturally grand in the video of this song and I was on the lookout Now when I saw the video, I realized that I had seen and heard this song before though I was not consciously aware of it - yet somewhere deep in its unexplored labyrinths my mind had made that connection - aren't our mind more cleverer than we are!

And today somewhere during my song-hopping (after listening to dozens of songs in 3 days) I saw one with a waterfall - something strongly told me this was it. And I clicked on that link in Youtube and there the video I coveted for so many days was - Mandara Pushpave from the film Ranganayaki (incidentally I had read about this film just a few days back, when I was reading about its director).

Like with this song, I have had similar experiences with Tamil songs...when I was in Tamil Nadu. Again, even though I know Tamil, yet my knowledge of literary Tamil is a big zero and I can never get hang of a Tamil lyrics the first time I hear it and so I always had great frustrations in finding out the songs I want. Hence somewhere I have a strong intuitive belief that I will finally be able to find out the songs I love. And every now and then I come across such songs which catch my fancy, which I love and listen to again and again and again.

Coming back to this song - it was truly worth the wait. But sometimes I wonder, if its not the wait that makes it so much more lovable (of course it has to catch my fancy first - and believe me, despite indications otherwise - my fancy is not that easy to catch :P ). The lyrics of this song are like a classic poem - like something written by classical poets like Kalidasa - extolling the beauty of a woman in a imaginative allegorical manner - this song abounds in similes. And of course it has all those other elements I like - its damn romantic, it has waterfalls - majestic natural features, and a historical element to it, the music is classical sounding. The greatest thing is that the lyrics (even though they are so meaningful and high quality poetic) meld into the music and dont stand out - frequently problem with very meaningful lyrics is that they take over the song - the music just becomes the tool. I like lyrics, which even if they are meaningful, give the music the centrestage - let it strike the interiors of the heart. This song seamlessly merges into the music and whats left in your mind is the music. It was the music which caught my fancy - someone who doesnt understand the language - I understood the lyrics only because there was a translation in that video. Anyway enough said on one song...only that I am very happy right now :-)

Here's the link for those who have patiently bothered to read till here and even for those who havent ;)

One final thing: the best part of the lyrics for me is - 'Twas a long time back I fell in love with you - beautiful, nostalgic!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-LoWOe_p7Y

An episode from one of my stories

Her worst fears had come true! She was caught...snooping, and he had warned her against doing so. To add to her stupidity, she simply stood dumbstruck, just where she was even as he approached her in slow menacing steps. Her heart was in her mouth as he emerged from the dark alley into the light, within a few feet from her. The light was shining from behind him so she could not quite see the expression on his face, but her foolish awestruck expression must be quite evident to any onlooker even several feet away from her.

As he closed upon her, her body realizing the danger despite her numbed brain, instinctively took a few hasty steps backward, but that brought her bang on the wall behind her. In a few strides he was looming upon her and she had nowhere to go.

He did not stop a few feet away as a gentleman would, but approached closer, suffocatingly closer to her; just mere inches separated him. She could not quite gather the courage to look into his face, rather her gaze was captured by his hands as he menacingly rapped his knuckles against his palm. She felt she would die the moment she heard his deep, threatening voice....just that she was too scared to die.

"Devi, its unfortunate that you did not pay heed to my 'advice'"

She gulped. She wished to say something, but no voice came out. Her mind's eye gazed on either side into the darkness surrounding her. Of course, there was no one around to save her. Even if she shouted there was none to hear...that is if she managed to shout. What a place to be trapped by a womanizer!

"You crave for adventure, don't you?"

There was no hint of sarcasm or bitterness in that voice, yet it was so cold that she instinctively shivered.

"It does not behoove you to be so quiet. Where are your sharp retorts, dear Bhuvana" he tipped his finger under her chin raising it. Every nerve ending in her body responded to his electrifying touch. She gazed at him, at his stern, uncompromising, unforgiving face, and into his penetrating eyes. It was like the hypnotizing gaze of a deadly cobra.

"Even if you choose to remain quiet, you shall be punished" he emphasized every word in a deliberate manner and it was as if they echoed in the corridors of her empty mind.

Suddenly she felt his warm hand on her soft exposed waist. The sensations coursing through her were unbearable as he drew her close to him, as he pressed her against his warm body. He tipped her face backwards and exhaled his warm breath on the nape of her neck, which caused tingling sensations. She sighed, almost surrendering. Why was she reacting thus, instead of pushing him away. She should struggle against him. She should give him such a slap that would reverberate throughout the long dark corridor. But she couldn't do anything, but savor his touch and wait for him to come closer...do more...

She sensed his breath grew ragged and then his palm pressed into her waist, almost pinching her. She winced in pain and looked up at him.

He seemed to have an odd troubled expression on his face, but in an instant that was masked and suddenly a menacing glint shined in his eyes. His mouth twisted in a cruel sneer.

"I will have you one day, but not like this. I will make you mine in front of the entire world...for everyone to see and then you shall not escape me. Now flee my dear, before your brother starts worrying about you."

She looked nonplussed, not knowing what to say.

"Or would it not be fantastic, if we both emerged together from this dark corridor into the main chamber, where your brother may chance upon us coming out together. I would love to see the expression on his face. Come, that would be a fitting punishment to you." and he drew her alongwith him.

His taunt somehow provoked her and in shaky voice, she retorted, "Y-you are a fool...my brother will kill you!"

"Will he? And would not that be fun" came an amused rejoinder.

Tryst beyond the seas

In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
I yearningly await for that moment
when we shall meet

Like the young river
leaving her homeland of mountains and vales
gushing through verdant forests
exuberantly cleaving apart rocks
casting nary a grieving look back,
just full of passion for becoming
one with the sea;
Thus I await thee for
that moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea

Playing with cast-off sea shells
making pearly necklaces
frolicking wet on the beach
we knew not when childhood passed away
and this intoxicating youth took over
Passion now bubbles within
like the foamy waves;
As I await thee for
the moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea

Gazing at you - ye alluring moon
this lovesick heart is
swept away by a tidal wave of emotions
the ebb and flow of tides
giving both pleasure and pain
inexorably drawing me to thee.

Forsaking my home, having traveled a world away
I only await for that one tryst
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea

The above is not my creation. I have only translated this Marathi lyric "Jithe Sagara", with a small, insignificant bit of my own imagination and with great help from my friend Ambareesh. The natural beauty of this poetry is amazing and the expression is so compact and powerful.
Lyrics - P Savalaram
Music - Vasant Prabhu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXPwjC5O9Ms

Ho! up the hill we go

Now I trudge up that hill again
Ere from where I've fallen many times

There is hope, and
Traces of innocent enthusiasm
Not unmixed with a wry expectation
of being buffeted by gusts of Fate

One eye looks at everything anew
One mind recognizes the dangers in store

The senses are exhilarated
by the fragrance and feel
of the beautiful rose
The memory of whose piercing thorns
also does linger somewhere

The grass is green
and dales undulating
But one knows a steep abyss
could be anywhere out there

Yet I trudge up the hill now
On this warm pleasant sunshine day
With not a speck of cloud anywhere
With at least some traces of
a bygone innocence
Keeping for a while my fears at bay

No Obsession

The nib is sharp as ever
But the ink has dried up

The paints are well prepared
But there is no color

The model is ready
But the muse is not there

I have the time to think
Yet no thoughts to think about

I can indulge in an obsession
But nothing obsesses me anymore!

Flowers at thy feet

Translation of the evergreen Hindi song "Paaon choolene do phoolon ko" from the historical film Taj Mahal (1963) starring Pradeep Kumar as Shahjahan and Bina Roy as Arjumand Bano Begum. For those who don't know the history, Shahjahan (reign 1627-1658 A.D.) was the fifth Mughal Emperor, grandson of Akbar. Arjumand Bano Begum was the granddaughter of a Persian expatriate, a key nobleman in the Mughal court. They fell in love and married around 1614 and Shahjahan was said to have been faithful to her throughout their married life (highly exceptional in Mughal emperors who had big harems full off wives and concubines) - a testament to which is the fact that in the 17 years of their wedded life, Arjumand became pregnant for no less than 11 times. A more lasting and beautiful testament to their love is the Taj Mahal, which Shahjahan is said to have constructed after her death as her tomb and as an eternal monument to their love.

These lyrics of Sahir Ludhiyanvi, set to a soothing melodious music by Roshan take us back to the age of the Mughals. The sets are beautiful for a film made back in 1963 and bring alive the Mughal era. The lyrics are so meaningful that one gets immersed in them, as they tell a story of their own....beautiful imagination!

The context is that Shahjahan is waiting for an tryst with Arjumand in a marble pavilion amidst a palace garden, surrounded by fountains. He has spread flowers along the walkway to welcome her. Arjumand, when she arrives is surprised by the floral welcome, and takes care not to step on the flowers as she walks carefully around them.

I shall post a stanza at a time and translate each one. Its a duet, so one stanza by Shahjahan's character (mentioned as "Shah") and the next by Arjuman's character (mentioned as "Arj") and so on.

Shah: paaNv chhoo lene do phooloN ko inaayat hogi, inaayat hogi
varnaa hamko nahin, inko bhi shikaayat hogi shikaayat hogi

Be merciful and grace the flowers by thy feet
Bereft of which the flowers and I shall be distressed

(Arjumand instead of stepping on the flowers, picks one up and cradles it to her heart and touches it reverently to her eyes)

Arj: aap jo phool bichhaayen unhen ham Thukraayen - 2
hamko Dar hai
hamko Dar hai ke ye tauheen-e-muhabbat hogi, muhabbat hogi

Oh, I dare not ignore these flowers so (lovingly) spread
For how could I ever rebuke your love for me.

(She still hesitates as she walks, daintily stepping around the flowers - for she doesnt have the heart to step on them, even as Shahjahan impatiently watches on)

Shah: dil ki bechain umangoN pe karam farmaao - 2
itnaa ruk ruk
itnaa ruk ruk ke chaloge to qayaamat hogi, qayaamat hogi
paaNv chhoo lene do phooloN ko inaayat hogi, inaayat hogi

Oh! be kind to the restless desires of my heart
If you hesitate so much, calamity will surely befall me
Do step on the flowers and show mercy to me!

(Arjumand crosses the bed of flowers but shyly goes towards the other end of the pavilion, modestly covering her face in the purdah)

Arj: sharm roke hai idhar, shauq udhar khinche hai - 2
kyaa Khabar thi
kyaa Khabar thi kabhi is dil ki ye haalat hogi,
ye haalat hogi

Modesty restrains me, yet desires overwhelmingly pull me towards you
Never could I have imagined that my heart will face such a dilemma

(Shahjahan bridges the gap between them, approaching her)

Shah: sharm gairoN se huaa karti hai apnoN se nahin - 2
sharm ham se
sharm ham se bhi karoge to museebat hogi, museebat hogi
paaNv chhoo lene do phooloN ko inaayat hogi, inaayat hogi

Ye beauteous one, be modest with strangers, not with one your own
If you are shy with me, then I shall barely manage to live

(Arjumand looks into his eyes full of love and accedes)

Arj: hamko Dar hai ke ye tauheen-e-muhabbat hogi, muhabbat hogi
Truly, I shouldn't be shy, for how could I ever rebuke your love

The song echoes in the mind long after its over. Pradeep Kumar and Bina Roy are amazing to look at. Pradeep Kumar has an imposing regal figure and he emotes better here compared to the other songs in this film. He looks the part of a man in love. Bina Roy fits her role of the shy Arjumand to the bill. She's serenely pretty and has a noble bearing.

You Tube link to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGBu_WXrhlA&feature=related

Stranger in me

I knocked my hearts door one day
And found a stranger inside

Since then I have been roaming everywhere
Aimless knowing not what I desire, what I seek

An unknown quest awakens me everyday
Yet leaves me with no direction

Amidst the desert, where sands cover footmarks
I know not where I come from, where I go

Now I have been out of my heart for so long
I know not even who I am, forgot who I was

Thankful not to have a mirror to look in
For fear I shall not recognize the stranger I see

A Musical Ear?

I made a wonderful discovery just now. 4 Hindi songs, which are very very special favorites of mine - I mean they are part of some ten select songs or so, which never fail to move me...I so love listening to them...and the discovery is that these 4 songs are based on the same raga.

1. Dil mein tujhe bithake from Fakira
2. Kuch dil ne kaha from Anupama
3. Nainon mein bhadra chaaye from Mera Saaya
4. Kismat se tum humko mile ho from Pukaar

Other good songs on the same raga are "Khiltey hai gul yahaan" from Sharmilee and "Tum mile dil khile" from Criminal...and the raga is Bhimpalasi. Actually I got interested when I listened to a ghazal by the Pakistani singer Tahira Sayeed on this raga. Her voice was haunting making me listen to it again and again...but I knew there was also something about this raga. It just attracted me. Then I did a research and found that there are whole lot of songs which I dearly love, which are based on this raga.

Same is the case with another raga called Reetigowla. There are a few Tamil songs based on this which I listen to again and again. Everytime I listen to them, its like I just get inspired. These songs are

1. Chinna kannan azhagiran from Kavi Kuyil
2. Thalayai kuniyum Thamaraye from Oru oadai nadiagirathu
3. Sudum Nilavu from Thambi
4. Kangal Irandal from Subramaniyapuram

Now I do not have any musical training or understanding or ragas, yet my ears, my heart or something very sensitive inside me really knows what it wants to hear and when I listen to that melody, I just get enthused, inspired, engrossed and energized. Like a moth I get attracted to the flame and burn. I guess music is just a language that everyone understands though there are a privileged few who are accomplished enough to speak it.

Dream come true

I watch the sunset.
And wonder,
If many sunsets later
Someday, I shall
Create that which
I wish to see.

The expression
of my thoughts.

The solidity from
a figment of imagination

The reality
out of fantasy.

A thousand brilliant suns
shall shine anew

When my dreams come true.

Loving

Happiness is but thinking of you
Every moment, every hour, every day
Emptiness is not having you
Need is yearning for you every day

Love is such a beautiful thing
Creating such wonderful fantasies
Enjoying pleasures without having them
Keeping harsh realities firmly away

And then I see you walking
the long distance to my heart
Heavenly flowers pave your path
Like God you answer as I pray

I am lost in the trance
Feeling, sensing every pulse
Absorbing you in my hearts boundless ocean
Where like Vishnu you lay

Excerpt

After a long long while I have finally written a little bit of my second story

"The long wafer thin curtains swayed in the gentle breeze, that kissed his dense mane and dried the emerging droplets of sweat on his forehead on a humid day. He was reclining upon a divan propping his head up on high round cushion. He rubbed his forehead to be rid of the irritating after effects of dried up sweat. If only he could rub away the irritating memories of the morning’s events in the durbar. If only a fine gentle breeze from somewhere would blow them away. Never before had he felt so alone, so lost in this wide world. He possessed two wives who loved him deeply, sweet children to whom he was attached, his mother, his caring, doting sister-in-law and above all a protective, possessive brother that no one else could have and yet he felt he could not bare his deepest angst with anybody, his eternal restlessness none could quieten, this thirst for something unknown, indefinable that none could quench, except for one proud, irreverent lady, or could even she achieve the impossible? His instincts had never lied to him and it was an instinct that drove him, made him possess her. Now though she was his, she was still not his….not completely anyway and the question still remained – was she the panacea to all that ailed him?"

Listless

The autumn leaves
The petering drips
The days and nights
Things change, yet
remain the same

The barren tree
The closed tap
A sluggish mind
Listlessly watches
the passing of time

Passionate restlessness

In the still quietness
you come as an ethereal music

In calm restfulness
you usher passionate restlessness

You bring torrential rains
In the barren wilderness

Awash, overwhelmed I am
Lost are the days of idle peace

Facing up to Fate

He who lacks belief in himself
What kind of man is he?
Who cannot conquer his own fears
And yet talks of bravery!

Those who know not what is right
Pity them that they cannot decide
Deride the one who lacks courage
To stand for, knowing what is right

For "they are brave who dare to be
In the right with just two or three"

The brave champions for the good
Knowing the odds stacked up against
He doesnt run away from the field
Even after a thousand slashes of Destiny

What best can Fate determine, but half
Countered by a determined will
Against the vicissitudes of life
Faith and Courage shall stand still

Ye man, believe
that you can be - a good man
even against the will
of Destiny!

Sarfaroshi

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamare dil mein hai
Dekhna hai zor kitna bazu-e-quatil mein hai

Hai ae shaheed-e-mulk-o-millat main tere upar nisaar
Ab teri himmat ka charcha gair ke mehfil mein hai

Waqt aane dey, bataage tujhe ae aasman
Hum abhi se kya bataaye kya hamaare dil mein hai

These few words from the celebrated revolutionary Ram Prasad Bismil's** oft quoted poem is probably the best expression of dismissive defiance against larger forces. Its so very inspiring! To me, in such times of difficulties and challenges, its like sounding off Fate that if It thinks to have its way with my life It is sadly mistaken for I intend to fight every inch of the way, every damn inch! I shall not let it go that easily, I shall not give away all that I have fought hard for, all that means so much for me and for which I have risked and sacrificed so much. No if one will bow, it shall be Fate and it shall bow to me.

A new spirit has risen to fight and die for what matters
Let's see how challenging now the challenges really are

With the zest for "do or die" I become part of the assembly of braves
My undaunted exploits shall even draw admiration from an inclement Fate

Let the time come and the world shall see
Why rock the world now itself with our irreprisible spirit

**- This poem has also been attributed to have been written by Urdu poet Bismil Azimabadi

I hate new, I love old

Whenever I land up in a new place, initially I find it difficult to adjust...I hate everything about the new place - the atmosphere, the oddities of the people, the culture, the food - everything, everything! I guess I hate change. Then as times go, I settle down - the people dont look strange anymore, the food acquires a new taste or I get a taste of the food, the unknown language sounds a trifle more intelligible, I discover quite a few cozy corners in my home - yeah and home seems homelier - the oddities even out and I fall in love - its with a heavy heart that I leave any place where I have lived for a while... casting quite a few longing looks behind.

When I land up in a new place I hate it, but by the time I have to leave it I have ended up getting used to it - guess even loving it. Wonder if things will work out the same way with a woman - of course minus the initial hating part.

Grit

If you have to crawl ahead inch by inch
If you have just a whiff of air to breathe
When every moment is an eternal torture
When even a pebble become a mountainous challenge

Even hanging in there had never been more difficult
Even the last inch you stand upon is seized by cruel fate
When living become an unbearable task
and death brings the prospect of pleasing relief
When hope itself shuns you like a capricious wife
Even so, lose not thy grit
If you call yourself a man
For if you are a man
you shall never accept defeat

Hopeless

In the middle of high seas
Water all around
No land in sight
Too tired to swim

Dying hope shall bring death
Broken spirit shall drown the soul
A wasted life - the heart wails
A promise gone stale

A Forceful Personality

In work life, especially that of a manager, you come across a wide array of personalities, that you may never meet otherwise, especially people with a dash of the remarkable - those who make you sit up and notice them.

Just lately I have come across such a person - his charisma blows you away, he oozes power, he inspires one to be as forceful as him and one feels there is so much to learn from him. I consider myself a very energetic person, when I am inspired, but this man awes me by his indefatigable reserve of energy that is never ending!

I am also amazed by his confidence to take on seemingly impossible tasks and get them done - accomplish so much in such a short span of time just by sheer force of energy - catch an army of men, by the scruffs of their necks and lead them on in the direction he wants...the direction which he is sure will lead to victory.

And truly an army follows such a leader into even a fiercely dragging whirlpool with the belief that they will get out of it...for as they say, "any army values a general who leads it to victories!"

Its done!!

How does one feel after a roller coaster ride, especially one that has lasted for nearly two years...when one never felt the journey will be so long, eventful and transforming.

After putting my pen down yesterday at around 8 pm, or rather more accurately, after finishing typing the last word...I frankly could not fathom my emotions...only that I was feeling too much...too much to express. I had no thought about the future of my work, but only thanksgiving to the Lord, for enabling me to achieve so much...the Lord has really been too kind to me...my journey has been punctuated by so many moments of divine inspiration and guidance...I felt I reached out to Him through my work. And after a discussion with a friend, it striked me that - Those who accomplish great things, either have great belief in themselves or great belief in God or perhaps a bit of both.

My book may be just another book for others...but in my life till now, this has been my greatest achievement and I owe a hell of a lot to the Almighty!

Also I am happy that it all finally culminated on the auspicious day of Pongal and Makar Sankranti - a time of joy and prosperity to all.

Today morning I had the most strange, ironic feeling - after months of focus on finishing this epic journey, where everyday whether I awoke in laziness or with a strong sense of purpose I always had at the back of my mind that some pages had to be written, an episode or a scene had to be finished and today when I woke up in the morning and wished to write, I realized that I have finished it!!..there is no scene to think about, no pages to be written. It was such an odd feeling...like a old man who after years of service, suddenly finds himself retired with no work to do.

Well it is done and now life moves on...I have to get back into career mode now and hopefully somewhere down the line, this book will get published, and then whatever else has to happen is in God's hands....my sense of satisfaction derives from the fact that I have been able to write, express what I set out to write...my characters have come out the way I wished them to and I have written an unimaginably long book, something that I never expected to do when I started off, the length is immaterial though..as far as I am concerned I had to compeletely tell my story and for that this was the requisite length.

At the moment there is only a sense of gladness and thanksgiving for Benediction!!

Whither this breeze blows?

New Year hath come and I open my account this year by translating partly another Tamil song - a beautiful romantic duet, full of yearning and unrequited love. Do see this song in youtube and try to ignore an obese aging Shivaji Ganeshan. Radha looks beautiful even in the unpretentious garb of a village belle and the background is awesomely picturesque...the music of Ilayaraja and the meaningful lyrics of Vairamuthu and the setting of the song, all come together to render it the ultimate expression of yearning in sublime love. I have just translated the first half of this song.

In this translation...I loved the rustic, poetic expressions of Vairamuthu so much that I tried to remain as close as possible to it and yet make the idiom meaningful in English...so as to give flavour of a Tamil poem...which generally makes an inspired use of picturesque in terms of simple, down to earth analogies.

For e.g. line "meththa vaanginaen thookkaththa vaangala" literally means - I got the bedding, but not any sleep ...which means I couldnt find any sleep. In my translation I kept the sleep analogy, though I express it more in terms of feelings, like I usually prefer to do.

Every stanza in Tamil is immediately followed by its translation in English. In some cases I have given pretty different meaning, just to conform with the overall flow of the translated song.

The normal font is the guy singing and the italian font is the lady singing.


Song Title: Poongatru Thirumbama
Movie Name: Mudhal Mariyadhai
Singer: Janaki S, Malaysia Vasudevan
Music Director: Ilayaraja
Lyrics: Vairamuthu
Year: 1985
Director: Bharathiraja
Actors: Radha, Shivaji


poongaatru thirumbumaa en paatta virumbumaa
thaalaatta madiyil vechchup paaraatta
enakkoru thaay madi kedaikkumaa

Will this breeze turn and blow my way
Will it now note my ode of yearning
Will it caress me with its kind love
And sweep me away in its melodious lullaby


raasaavae varuththamaa aagaayam surungumaa
aengaadhae adha olagam thaangaadhae
adukkumaa sooriyan karukkumaa

Even if I were as high as the skies
Your sadness would wither me
This sky would bow to your yearning unbearable
And wonder will it be blessed by sunlight


enna solluvaen ennullam thaangala
meththa vaanginaen thookkaththa vaangala

Overwhelmed by feelings
I am rendered speechless
Such restlessness that not even a featherbed
Could provide a moment of rest


indha vaedhana yaarukkuththaan illa
onna meeravae oorukkul aalilla

Do you think that
I am not afflicted as much
But for you
Who else resides in this heart


aedhoa enbaattukku naan paattup paadi
sollaadha soagaththa sonnaenadi

Dazed by this affliction
I roam about like a madman
Tis unspeakable suffering
Yet I cry my heart out to you


soga raga soagandhaanae (2)

Isnt our pain mutual?


yaaradhu poaradhu
kuyil paadalaam than mugam kaattumaa

Who is thus echoing my heartache
Will not the kind songbird show her face