Swami Satchidanda while commenting on in 1.4 Patanjali Yoga Sutra says – "you identify yourself
with a thought of mind and build your identity around it."
Now I go on a tangent and surprisingly (even for myself) will come back to the above statement. Its like you go here and there in a maze and then find yourself back at the starting point.
Deep within you is the expectation that the world should take care of you.
As usual, in the vein of non-judgment, there is nothing right
or wrong about such an expectation.
But the problem is that your inner peace of mind is then
dependent on the outer situation.
If your expectations of care are not reciprocated then
you feel sorely disturbed.
So the question is this – is it wise, is it prudent (not
good or bad) to have such an expectation and allow outside influences to sway
your mind, how they please.
If the answer is no, then the question is how do you deal
with such an expectation? All expectations are to be measured with reality and
the test of reasonability.
Suppose you go to some place to buy something – normally,
whenever you have gone there in the past, your purchase has finished within a
few minutes. But this time, you have been waiting and waiting. Since this is
contrary to your expectations, you are feeling very frustrated. You wish to
angrily barge in and give the shopkeeper a piece of your mind.
But suppose now you come to know that some sudden
emergency has befallen the poor shopkeeper and he is busy dealing with it and
an inexperienced assistant is struggling with managing the customers, you tend
to understand. So the expectations are measured on parameter of reasonability on
the basis of reality.
On the other hand, suppose now you find that the
shopkeeper is entertaining some friends who have come for some large scale
purchase, while de-prioritizing the rest of customers, again this can engender
two kinds of reactions. There could be many who will get angry about this
unjust behaviour, its unprofessional too – they reckon. While others who themselves
have many friends, may empathize with this saying the deep bonds of friendships
also are to be given importance. Here we come to the grey area of individual
value.
In any case, none of this is the actual reality.
At one level the reality is that all of us are just
groups of energy, governed by consciousness and it is one universal
consciousness of which we all just a tiny bit.
In reality there is no chair, no table, no you, nor me.
These are just apparent conceptions due to strong nuclear forces holding mass
together.
What am I, What are you – is all matter of identities.
The saints identify with everyone, hence their consciousness is expansive. For
them the pain of any person is their pain. They are joyous themselves and
freely pass it on to everybody.
Vrtti sarupyam itaratra – that’s what Swami Satchidananda
commented upon that it is a matter of identity. He gave a wonderful example.
Suppose a 10 year old boy has never seen his father. One
day a person comes to the door and the boy opens it – he finds a stranger
there. He runs inside and tells his mom that a stranger is at the door. When
the mom comes to the door she finds her long-lost husband and shedding happy tears
introduces the person to the boy as his father. Suddenly the person who was a
stranger becomes a father – the identity of the person changes and hence the attitude
towards the person also changes.
Our attitude towards the world is based upon how we
identify others and ourselves.
Those who are aggressive tend to see threats in the outside
world because they identify other people as mostly inimical to them
There are others who are quite indifferent and apathetic as
they are not bothered about others and are very self-focused
Then are others who find quite a lot of joy in
interacting with even rank strangers as they see love and contentment in human
relationships. They see friendly souls everywhere.
Hence one of the fundamental yamas is Ahimsa.
Ahimsa means you are non-violent – not just physically –
but in your thoughts and words as well. You don’t feel the least animosity,
anger, ill-will, hatred towards anybody.
Because anger is like holding fire in your hands – it may
or may not burn others, but it will certainly burn you.
One of the causes of anger is unfulfilled expectation – Bhagavad
Gita 2.62 says – dhyāyato viṣayān pumsaḥ…
From: https://asitis.com/2/62.html
- Srila Prabhupāda’s translation
“dhyayato visayan pumsah
sangas tesupajayate
sangat sanjayate kamah
kamat krodho 'bhijayate
SYNONYMS
dhyayatah—while contemplating; visayan—sense objects;
pumsah—of the person; sangah—attachment; tesu—in the sense objects;
upajayate—develops; sangat—attachment; sanjayate—develops; kamah—desire; kamat—from
desire; krodhah—anger; abhijayate—becomes manifest.
TRANSLATION
While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person
develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from
lust anger arises.
This link of anger to expectation was referred to
earlier. You want to purchase something due to your attachment, and when that
want is unfulfilled or delayed in some manner, it gives rise to anger.
If there is no one absolute truth – rather all are relative
truths – then how does it matter that for what reason you had to wait and face
a long delay – whether it is the shopkeeper facing an unexpected emergency or
whether he was entertaining friends or something else. If it is the latter,
then it is his values – every person is free to have his own values as long as
he doesn’t seek to actively harm others. It is possible that if he continues
with these values his business will suffer – but why are you letting your mind
suffer because of this.
Now you can decide to not go to that shop again. If you
have an alternate arrangement, then that’s very nice – you can opt for it. But
sometimes you may not have choice. At least for certain items you have to go to
that shop. Now you have two options – either you can learn to live without it –
that can be as frustrating as the wait at the shop. Or else you put this behind
– its very well possible that this was a one-off situation. Even if it is not,
lets say you have to wait there almost everytime – then get used to it – if you
cannot live without those items. Don’t mind the wait. Its also possible
sometimes you may not get that item even after waiting for a long time – its okay,
let it go. What alternative do you have – its not as if you have any other
place to purchase that item from. One would argue, I will go an fight with that
shopkeeper – this is the route of Ahimsa. Its like fire in hands, it can
backfire – the shopkeeper may stop entertaining you thereafter.
One would argue – isn’t this compromising with injustice.
But you forgot we discussed earlier – all these conceptions of justice
injustice is a matter of values. What is justice in one country or region can
be injustice in another. A Western woman would find the concept of purdah as
unjust while a conservative Muslim woman may be proud about this practice. A
couple of centuries back we had the practice of Sati quite common, which is an
anathema for a modern mind.
These norms, practices, rites, rituals – all these keep
changing with time and place. They are not eternal. Hence there can no definite
right or wrong about it. But the idea of Ahimsa is universal – we all know what
it means to harm another person in thought, word and deed. In fact when a
person is violent to others, he is also violent to his own mind. His mind
suffers as a result of this. What you lose is the peace of your mind in giving
the piece of your mind… mind it!
