Once in a while, someone comes in my life,
who makes me feel that I am missing something big.
I feel that there is a gaping hole
And yet that person is unable to fill that void.
Sometimes I wonder if not the problem is with me?
Perhaps I am so thoroughly self-absorbed that
that it's difficult for me to love and be loved.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Intimate twilights
Those quaint intimate twilights of yore
have not faded away in the mist of time
She is as close to me as she ever was
Those hidden thoughts within downcast eyes
A charm carried even in suppressed smiles
I used to wonder if my thoughts occupied her
And if they did, did they bring her any cheer
But now I know of bubbling mirth
beneath those suppressed smiles
I know of that latent passion
behind those downcast eyes
Oh! sure I am that she thinks only of me
And sooner than later, she will be mine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQMii7u9fXw&feature=related
My hats off to Gulzar...In hundred births, I cant equal his profound imagination, his subtlety of expression!
have not faded away in the mist of time
She is as close to me as she ever was
Those hidden thoughts within downcast eyes
A charm carried even in suppressed smiles
I used to wonder if my thoughts occupied her
And if they did, did they bring her any cheer
But now I know of bubbling mirth
beneath those suppressed smiles
I know of that latent passion
behind those downcast eyes
Oh! sure I am that she thinks only of me
And sooner than later, she will be mine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQMii7u9fXw&feature=related
My hats off to Gulzar...In hundred births, I cant equal his profound imagination, his subtlety of expression!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Have you found what you were looking for?
How do you know that you have found,
what you were looking for?
If on finding that,
you simply forget what you were looking for.
If on finding that you get so immersed in it,
with all heart and spirit,
That what troubled you for days on end,
fades away in a mere moment.
It shows that what you were looking for,
and what you found are but one and the same.
what you were looking for?
If on finding that,
you simply forget what you were looking for.
If on finding that you get so immersed in it,
with all heart and spirit,
That what troubled you for days on end,
fades away in a mere moment.
It shows that what you were looking for,
and what you found are but one and the same.
Found at last!
Three days back I heard a Kannada song being played at a restaurent. I remembered having heard and even perhaps seen it before. And on that day something about its tune striked a chord somewhere with my mood and it caught my fancy. I asked the guy at the reception counter which song it was. He gazed at me surprised and said its some old Kannada song. I asked him for the lyrics, but he could not tell me (such poor service :P)
I went out humming the tune to myself...what reverberated in my mind was the way the female voice went on a high vocal note (with no words)...it has such a haunting quality to it.
For past 3 days I searched all over Youtube and Google for this song, but I was handicapped - I did not know the lyrics, the film name or actors, the music director, lyricist - nothing at all and moreover I am totally unfamiliar with Kannada film music. I just remembered catching some word like "inchu" and "endu" (which was something I was proved right when I found it later - but these words are not part of the song title). Then how did I search you would ask - well I tried with the above two words but got nowhere. Then I tried "Kannada best songs", "Kannada old melodies" etc etc. And then song-hopping from one to another in Youtube, anything that caught my suspicion. Along the way I came across some other good songs, but was unable to appreciate their beauty as all my senses were captured by this first love and as my friends know, when I get obsessed, I truly get obsessed (and though they may not know or agree with, in case they know, I do have lasting obsessions and once something catches my fancy, it never quite leaves it, though with passage of time, it may fade a little)
Somewhere in the back of my mind I had some idea that there is waterfall or something naturally grand in the video of this song and I was on the lookout Now when I saw the video, I realized that I had seen and heard this song before though I was not consciously aware of it - yet somewhere deep in its unexplored labyrinths my mind had made that connection - aren't our mind more cleverer than we are!
And today somewhere during my song-hopping (after listening to dozens of songs in 3 days) I saw one with a waterfall - something strongly told me this was it. And I clicked on that link in Youtube and there the video I coveted for so many days was - Mandara Pushpave from the film Ranganayaki (incidentally I had read about this film just a few days back, when I was reading about its director).
Like with this song, I have had similar experiences with Tamil songs...when I was in Tamil Nadu. Again, even though I know Tamil, yet my knowledge of literary Tamil is a big zero and I can never get hang of a Tamil lyrics the first time I hear it and so I always had great frustrations in finding out the songs I want. Hence somewhere I have a strong intuitive belief that I will finally be able to find out the songs I love. And every now and then I come across such songs which catch my fancy, which I love and listen to again and again and again.
Coming back to this song - it was truly worth the wait. But sometimes I wonder, if its not the wait that makes it so much more lovable (of course it has to catch my fancy first - and believe me, despite indications otherwise - my fancy is not that easy to catch :P ). The lyrics of this song are like a classic poem - like something written by classical poets like Kalidasa - extolling the beauty of a woman in a imaginative allegorical manner - this song abounds in similes. And of course it has all those other elements I like - its damn romantic, it has waterfalls - majestic natural features, and a historical element to it, the music is classical sounding. The greatest thing is that the lyrics (even though they are so meaningful and high quality poetic) meld into the music and dont stand out - frequently problem with very meaningful lyrics is that they take over the song - the music just becomes the tool. I like lyrics, which even if they are meaningful, give the music the centrestage - let it strike the interiors of the heart. This song seamlessly merges into the music and whats left in your mind is the music. It was the music which caught my fancy - someone who doesnt understand the language - I understood the lyrics only because there was a translation in that video. Anyway enough said on one song...only that I am very happy right now :-)
Here's the link for those who have patiently bothered to read till here and even for those who havent ;)
One final thing: the best part of the lyrics for me is - 'Twas a long time back I fell in love with you - beautiful, nostalgic!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-LoWOe_p7Y
I went out humming the tune to myself...what reverberated in my mind was the way the female voice went on a high vocal note (with no words)...it has such a haunting quality to it.
For past 3 days I searched all over Youtube and Google for this song, but I was handicapped - I did not know the lyrics, the film name or actors, the music director, lyricist - nothing at all and moreover I am totally unfamiliar with Kannada film music. I just remembered catching some word like "inchu" and "endu" (which was something I was proved right when I found it later - but these words are not part of the song title). Then how did I search you would ask - well I tried with the above two words but got nowhere. Then I tried "Kannada best songs", "Kannada old melodies" etc etc. And then song-hopping from one to another in Youtube, anything that caught my suspicion. Along the way I came across some other good songs, but was unable to appreciate their beauty as all my senses were captured by this first love and as my friends know, when I get obsessed, I truly get obsessed (and though they may not know or agree with, in case they know, I do have lasting obsessions and once something catches my fancy, it never quite leaves it, though with passage of time, it may fade a little)
Somewhere in the back of my mind I had some idea that there is waterfall or something naturally grand in the video of this song and I was on the lookout Now when I saw the video, I realized that I had seen and heard this song before though I was not consciously aware of it - yet somewhere deep in its unexplored labyrinths my mind had made that connection - aren't our mind more cleverer than we are!
And today somewhere during my song-hopping (after listening to dozens of songs in 3 days) I saw one with a waterfall - something strongly told me this was it. And I clicked on that link in Youtube and there the video I coveted for so many days was - Mandara Pushpave from the film Ranganayaki (incidentally I had read about this film just a few days back, when I was reading about its director).
Like with this song, I have had similar experiences with Tamil songs...when I was in Tamil Nadu. Again, even though I know Tamil, yet my knowledge of literary Tamil is a big zero and I can never get hang of a Tamil lyrics the first time I hear it and so I always had great frustrations in finding out the songs I want. Hence somewhere I have a strong intuitive belief that I will finally be able to find out the songs I love. And every now and then I come across such songs which catch my fancy, which I love and listen to again and again and again.
Coming back to this song - it was truly worth the wait. But sometimes I wonder, if its not the wait that makes it so much more lovable (of course it has to catch my fancy first - and believe me, despite indications otherwise - my fancy is not that easy to catch :P ). The lyrics of this song are like a classic poem - like something written by classical poets like Kalidasa - extolling the beauty of a woman in a imaginative allegorical manner - this song abounds in similes. And of course it has all those other elements I like - its damn romantic, it has waterfalls - majestic natural features, and a historical element to it, the music is classical sounding. The greatest thing is that the lyrics (even though they are so meaningful and high quality poetic) meld into the music and dont stand out - frequently problem with very meaningful lyrics is that they take over the song - the music just becomes the tool. I like lyrics, which even if they are meaningful, give the music the centrestage - let it strike the interiors of the heart. This song seamlessly merges into the music and whats left in your mind is the music. It was the music which caught my fancy - someone who doesnt understand the language - I understood the lyrics only because there was a translation in that video. Anyway enough said on one song...only that I am very happy right now :-)
Here's the link for those who have patiently bothered to read till here and even for those who havent ;)
One final thing: the best part of the lyrics for me is - 'Twas a long time back I fell in love with you - beautiful, nostalgic!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-LoWOe_p7Y
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
An episode from one of my stories
Her worst fears had come true! She was caught...snooping, and he had warned her against doing so. To add to her stupidity, she simply stood dumbstruck, just where she was even as he approached her in slow menacing steps. Her heart was in her mouth as he emerged from the dark alley into the light, within a few feet from her. The light was shining from behind him so she could not quite see the expression on his face, but her foolish awestruck expression must be quite evident to any onlooker even several feet away from her.
As he closed upon her, her body realizing the danger despite her numbed brain, instinctively took a few hasty steps backward, but that brought her bang on the wall behind her. In a few strides he was looming upon her and she had nowhere to go.
He did not stop a few feet away as a gentleman would, but approached closer, suffocatingly closer to her; just mere inches separated him. She could not quite gather the courage to look into his face, rather her gaze was captured by his hands as he menacingly rapped his knuckles against his palm. She felt she would die the moment she heard his deep, threatening voice....just that she was too scared to die.
"Devi, its unfortunate that you did not pay heed to my 'advice'"
She gulped. She wished to say something, but no voice came out. Her mind's eye gazed on either side into the darkness surrounding her. Of course, there was no one around to save her. Even if she shouted there was none to hear...that is if she managed to shout. What a place to be trapped by a womanizer!
"You crave for adventure, don't you?"
There was no hint of sarcasm or bitterness in that voice, yet it was so cold that she instinctively shivered.
"It does not behoove you to be so quiet. Where are your sharp retorts, dear Bhuvana" he tipped his finger under her chin raising it. Every nerve ending in her body responded to his electrifying touch. She gazed at him, at his stern, uncompromising, unforgiving face, and into his penetrating eyes. It was like the hypnotizing gaze of a deadly cobra.
"Even if you choose to remain quiet, you shall be punished" he emphasized every word in a deliberate manner and it was as if they echoed in the corridors of her empty mind.
Suddenly she felt his warm hand on her soft exposed waist. The sensations coursing through her were unbearable as he drew her close to him, as he pressed her against his warm body. He tipped her face backwards and exhaled his warm breath on the nape of her neck, which caused tingling sensations. She sighed, almost surrendering. Why was she reacting thus, instead of pushing him away. She should struggle against him. She should give him such a slap that would reverberate throughout the long dark corridor. But she couldn't do anything, but savor his touch and wait for him to come closer...do more...
She sensed his breath grew ragged and then his palm pressed into her waist, almost pinching her. She winced in pain and looked up at him.
He seemed to have an odd troubled expression on his face, but in an instant that was masked and suddenly a menacing glint shined in his eyes. His mouth twisted in a cruel sneer.
"I will have you one day, but not like this. I will make you mine in front of the entire world...for everyone to see and then you shall not escape me. Now flee my dear, before your brother starts worrying about you."
She looked nonplussed, not knowing what to say.
"Or would it not be fantastic, if we both emerged together from this dark corridor into the main chamber, where your brother may chance upon us coming out together. I would love to see the expression on his face. Come, that would be a fitting punishment to you." and he drew her alongwith him.
His taunt somehow provoked her and in shaky voice, she retorted, "Y-you are a fool...my brother will kill you!"
"Will he? And would not that be fun" came an amused rejoinder.
As he closed upon her, her body realizing the danger despite her numbed brain, instinctively took a few hasty steps backward, but that brought her bang on the wall behind her. In a few strides he was looming upon her and she had nowhere to go.
He did not stop a few feet away as a gentleman would, but approached closer, suffocatingly closer to her; just mere inches separated him. She could not quite gather the courage to look into his face, rather her gaze was captured by his hands as he menacingly rapped his knuckles against his palm. She felt she would die the moment she heard his deep, threatening voice....just that she was too scared to die.
"Devi, its unfortunate that you did not pay heed to my 'advice'"
She gulped. She wished to say something, but no voice came out. Her mind's eye gazed on either side into the darkness surrounding her. Of course, there was no one around to save her. Even if she shouted there was none to hear...that is if she managed to shout. What a place to be trapped by a womanizer!
"You crave for adventure, don't you?"
There was no hint of sarcasm or bitterness in that voice, yet it was so cold that she instinctively shivered.
"It does not behoove you to be so quiet. Where are your sharp retorts, dear Bhuvana" he tipped his finger under her chin raising it. Every nerve ending in her body responded to his electrifying touch. She gazed at him, at his stern, uncompromising, unforgiving face, and into his penetrating eyes. It was like the hypnotizing gaze of a deadly cobra.
"Even if you choose to remain quiet, you shall be punished" he emphasized every word in a deliberate manner and it was as if they echoed in the corridors of her empty mind.
Suddenly she felt his warm hand on her soft exposed waist. The sensations coursing through her were unbearable as he drew her close to him, as he pressed her against his warm body. He tipped her face backwards and exhaled his warm breath on the nape of her neck, which caused tingling sensations. She sighed, almost surrendering. Why was she reacting thus, instead of pushing him away. She should struggle against him. She should give him such a slap that would reverberate throughout the long dark corridor. But she couldn't do anything, but savor his touch and wait for him to come closer...do more...
She sensed his breath grew ragged and then his palm pressed into her waist, almost pinching her. She winced in pain and looked up at him.
He seemed to have an odd troubled expression on his face, but in an instant that was masked and suddenly a menacing glint shined in his eyes. His mouth twisted in a cruel sneer.
"I will have you one day, but not like this. I will make you mine in front of the entire world...for everyone to see and then you shall not escape me. Now flee my dear, before your brother starts worrying about you."
She looked nonplussed, not knowing what to say.
"Or would it not be fantastic, if we both emerged together from this dark corridor into the main chamber, where your brother may chance upon us coming out together. I would love to see the expression on his face. Come, that would be a fitting punishment to you." and he drew her alongwith him.
His taunt somehow provoked her and in shaky voice, she retorted, "Y-you are a fool...my brother will kill you!"
"Will he? And would not that be fun" came an amused rejoinder.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Tryst beyond the seas
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
I yearningly await for that moment
when we shall meet
Like the young river
leaving her homeland of mountains and vales
gushing through verdant forests
exuberantly cleaving apart rocks
casting nary a grieving look back,
just full of passion for becoming
one with the sea;
Thus I await thee for
that moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
Playing with cast-off sea shells
making pearly necklaces
frolicking wet on the beach
we knew not when childhood passed away
and this intoxicating youth took over
Passion now bubbles within
like the foamy waves;
As I await thee for
the moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
Gazing at you - ye alluring moon
this lovesick heart is
swept away by a tidal wave of emotions
the ebb and flow of tides
giving both pleasure and pain
inexorably drawing me to thee.
Forsaking my home, having traveled a world away
I only await for that one tryst
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
The above is not my creation. I have only translated this Marathi lyric "Jithe Sagara", with a small, insignificant bit of my own imagination and with great help from my friend Ambareesh. The natural beauty of this poetry is amazing and the expression is so compact and powerful.
Lyrics - P Savalaram
Music - Vasant Prabhu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXPwjC5O9Ms
where the sky meets the sea
I yearningly await for that moment
when we shall meet
Like the young river
leaving her homeland of mountains and vales
gushing through verdant forests
exuberantly cleaving apart rocks
casting nary a grieving look back,
just full of passion for becoming
one with the sea;
Thus I await thee for
that moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
Playing with cast-off sea shells
making pearly necklaces
frolicking wet on the beach
we knew not when childhood passed away
and this intoxicating youth took over
Passion now bubbles within
like the foamy waves;
As I await thee for
the moment we shall meet
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
Gazing at you - ye alluring moon
this lovesick heart is
swept away by a tidal wave of emotions
the ebb and flow of tides
giving both pleasure and pain
inexorably drawing me to thee.
Forsaking my home, having traveled a world away
I only await for that one tryst
In the distant horizon
where the sky meets the sea
The above is not my creation. I have only translated this Marathi lyric "Jithe Sagara", with a small, insignificant bit of my own imagination and with great help from my friend Ambareesh. The natural beauty of this poetry is amazing and the expression is so compact and powerful.
Lyrics - P Savalaram
Music - Vasant Prabhu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXPwjC5O9Ms
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Ho! up the hill we go
Now I trudge up that hill again
Ere from where I've fallen many times
There is hope, and
Traces of innocent enthusiasm
Not unmixed with a wry expectation
of being buffeted by gusts of Fate
One eye looks at everything anew
One mind recognizes the dangers in store
The senses are exhilarated
by the fragrance and feel
of the beautiful rose
The memory of whose piercing thorns
also does linger somewhere
The grass is green
and dales undulating
But one knows a steep abyss
could be anywhere out there
Yet I trudge up the hill now
On this warm pleasant sunshine day
With not a speck of cloud anywhere
With at least some traces of
a bygone innocence
Keeping for a while my fears at bay
Ere from where I've fallen many times
There is hope, and
Traces of innocent enthusiasm
Not unmixed with a wry expectation
of being buffeted by gusts of Fate
One eye looks at everything anew
One mind recognizes the dangers in store
The senses are exhilarated
by the fragrance and feel
of the beautiful rose
The memory of whose piercing thorns
also does linger somewhere
The grass is green
and dales undulating
But one knows a steep abyss
could be anywhere out there
Yet I trudge up the hill now
On this warm pleasant sunshine day
With not a speck of cloud anywhere
With at least some traces of
a bygone innocence
Keeping for a while my fears at bay
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